WHEN CONFIDENCE BECOMES PERFORMANCE
For those who have never heard this phrase before:
“Fake it till you make it” means acting as if you possess the confidence, competence, or success you desire, even if you don’t yet feel that way, with the hope that these behaviors will eventually lead to genuinely achieving those qualities. It’s often framed as a strategy to build self-belief and overcome self-doubt or impostor syndrome.
In certain cases, this approach can work—but only for so long. The problem arises when it becomes a crutch rather than a cure. The girl who looks in the mirror and calls herself ugly behind closed doors, yet struts down the hallway with all eyes on her, saying “I love being me. I’m so iconic,” may appear confident to the outside world, but internally she is deeply conflicted. Eventually, the façade unravels—exposing the unresolved insecurity beneath the performance.
Confidence is quiet. Arrogance is loud.
Overconfidence a.k.a conceit a.k.a arrogance—often mistaken for true confidence—is especially rewarded in today’s image-based society. I used to admire people who talked a good game. I didn’t realize at the time that they were, in fact, just talking—I believed what they said to be true.
As I observed people who boasted, I realized many were overcompensating for what they lacked. Bragging became a way to hide fear, shame, fragility, or incompetence. Even in myself, I noticed that the times I was most vocal about my accolades were the times I felt the most insecure, trying to convince myself more than anybody else.
It’s not inherently bad to say things like “I am beautiful,” “I am a prize,” or “I’m a baddie.” We all have good days and in those moments we might believe it. But when the glamour fades, do you truly feel that way? —or are you saying it to mask insecurities and inadequacies? What sense does it make to convince others you’re confident when you don’t believe it yourself? Why work to warp someone’s perception of you when you could focus on actually improving yourself?
As image replaces substance, perception replaces embodiment, and external validation replaces internal alignment, you don’t get confidence—you get performance. And performance is exhausting. It becomes a thirst that cannot be quenched, seeking constant admiration. Questions like “Do I sound secure?” and “Do I look unbothered?” replace “Am I grounded even when no one is watching?”
When I think of confidence, I want it to be sincere. I don’t want to pretend to like myself; I want to actually like myself. I want to be proud of the person I am, regardless of others’ opinions or perspectives. I want an unshakable identity—a quiet assurance.
