LOVE 1O1
The world’s big question: one we all are trying to figure out. What is love? Some say love is a feeling. Others say it’s an action, passion or even pain. There are countless meanings out there. So, what do you say love is?
The way I see it, your foundational idea of love sets the tone for expectations in all your relationships. If you believe love is pain, you will accept pain. If you believe love is just a feeling, you will base your actions on those feelings. Our environment and upbringing often form this belief before we even have the chance to define it for ourselves. It's crucial to know the true definition of love because ignorance can lead to a multitude of problems, such as poor decisions, self-sabotage, self-criticism, neglecting our needs and feelings, and accepting abuse or mistreatment in the name of love. It could even lead to something worse, like killing someone over love! If you've ever watched an episode of Snapped, you know how serious this gets.
This is what I've come to understand about love:
Love is a feeling.
Not just any old feeling, but an intense feeling of deep affection for something or someone.
Feelings are fleeting! They blow whichever way the wind blows. One minute you may feel happy with your person, the next minute they are getting on your last nerve. One minute you may feel in love, then think you hate them. We experience about 1,000 emotions in a day, which is why we need more than feelings to keep love going. True love requires something more substantial, something that endures beyond the ebb and flow of emotions.
Love is respect.
When you have respect for someone, it often stems from deep admiration. Perhaps you were drawn to their qualities and abilities, or maybe something intriguing about them led you to hold them in high regard, stirring an undeniable connection. Even in those times when you don't feel “lovey-dovey,” do you withhold your respect? You can love someone and be momentarily annoyed, but respect should remain.
Having reverence for someone shows they understand your value and fear losing it.
Love is an action.
How does one express their love if not through actions? Words alone are not enough.
Actions are needed to show you care. If someone feels love, that feeling, if strong enough, will drive them to show it. Respect, if deep, should also drive action. It’s innate—not just in humans but in animals too! Go to a zoo and watch how a male baboon shows affection to his female counterpart. I have! It’s truly captivating to watch. He caresses her, guides her, and protects her from perceived dangers. Similarly, someone’s behavior toward you will always be a strong reflection of how they truly feel inside.
Love for yourself
The same applies to self-love. Loving yourself shouldn't be based solely on feelings. Some days you may feel amazing— like the best thing walking on this earth; others, not so much. Don’t let your emotions dictate whether you are worthy of your own love.
For example, imagine you’re tired and don’t feel like working out, even though you usually love it. Does that stop you? No — you push through because of dedication and respect for yourself. Motivation comes after you make that choice. As you go through the motions, you start to feel drive and excitement that keeps you going. But the moment you stop, you lose that momentum— falling back into old habits. What I’m saying is, the same applies to love.
Love allows you to push through difficult times and not rely solely on feelings. There will be days when circumstances make you feel undeserving. It doesn’t matter. Make a daily decision to love yourself. The more you choose to love yourself, through good and bad feelings, the easier it becomes to prioritize your own happiness. The most important relationship we have is with ourselves. Only then can we share that love with others.
