LOVE 101

The world’s big question that everyone is trying to figure out. What is love? Some say love is a feeling. Some say love is an action, some say it is passion and others say that love is pain. There’s a thousand meanings out there. What do you say love is?

The way I see it, your very foundational idea of love is what will set the tone of expectations in all of your relationships. If you believe love is pain, then you will accept pain. If you believe love is just a feeling, you will derive on feelings.

Our environment and upbringing tend to form this belief before we even get the chance to decide what it means for ourselves in our lives.

It is important for us to know the true definition of love because if not, our ignorance can cause us to plethora like making poor decisions, self sabotaging, becoming highly critical of ourselves, neglecting our own needs and feelings, and accepting abuse or mistreatment in name of love. Or maybe it could result in something worse, like killing somebody over love! Oh yea, if you ever watched an episode of Snapped, then you know it gets that serious.

This is what I’ve come to understand about Love..

Love is a feeling.

Not just any old feeling but an intense feeling of deep affection for something or someone.

See, the thing about feelings? feelings are fleeting! They blow whichever way the wind blows. One minute you may feel happy with your person, the next minute they are getting on your last nerve. One minute you may feel in love with them, and then they ….I mean we’re all humans. We experience about 1,000 emotions in a day, which is why we need more than that to keep us going. The intensity is the driving factor ……

Love is respect.

When you have respect for someone it often stems from a place of deep admiration. Maybe you fell for their qualities, abilities but something drew you near to them …Something intrigued you about them so much so you held them in high regard. So much so they stir this undeniable move in your spirit . Those times when you don’t feel so lovey dovey? Do you then withhold your respect for your significant other? You can love someone and be annoyed of them momentarily but the respect should still remain for your partner.

Love is an action.

How does one express their love if it’s not through their actions? Just through words ? Well, that’s not enough. What good are words and your respect if they’re not backed up by action. Actions are needed to show that you care. If someone says that they feel love; that feeling, if pure and strong enough will drive them to show and prove it just because of the intensity of the emotion. If someone says that they respect you, that feeling of deep admiration for you should drive them to act on it. No questions asked. Why? Because it’s innate, not only in humans but also in animals! Go to a zoo and watch how the male baboon shows affection to his female counterpart. I have! It’s truly captivating to watch. He caresses her hair, guides her by the hand and protects her from perceived dangers. In that same way, someone’s behavior toward you will always be a strong indication of how they feel about you deep inside of their heart.

More: All of the things that love is NOT

The same should go for yourself. Loving yourself should not be solely based on your feelings. Some days you may think you’re beautiful and the best thing walking on the earth and other days you may feel like crap. Do not rely solely on your feelings to determine whether you are worthy of love, even from yourself.

Let’s use this for example. You’re tired and you don’t feel like working out, but it’s something you normally love to do. Does that stop you from loving what you do? You make a choice to push through anyway and continue on with your routine. Why? Because of the dedication and respect you have for yourself. The motivation to continue only comes after you choose to push through. As you go through the mundane motions, you will begin to get that drive and excitement that will allow you to continue. But the minute you stop? you lose all that drive and fall into your old ways. Worse case, you might quit altogether. I say all that to say, the same is with love. Love allows you to push through the difficult times and not rely solely on feelings.

There will be days when you don’t feel the greatest about yourself. Where your circumstances make you feel less than deserving of whatever it is you desire for yourself. Doesn’t matter.

Make the decision daily to love on you. The more you choose to love yourself through the bad feelings and good, the more you fall in love with who you are. The more you choose to take care of yourself, the more it becomes easier to prioritize yourself and your happiness.

The most important relationship we can have is with OURSELVES. Only then are we able to share that love with others.