I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AND THAT’S OK.

Do you find yourself engaging in frequent self-criticism, often pointing out perceived flaws or minimizing your accomplishments? Well, I'm no doctor, but you might be experiencing low self-esteem.

I can already hear it: "Nope," "Never," or "Not me!" For whatever reason, the thought of having low self esteem or better yet saying that you do out loud, especially to others is SOCIAL SUICIDE. I mean are you not embarrassed? Are you not disgusted with yourself?

The first step to fixing any problem is admitting that there is one. And we can all acknowledge that admitting to having low self-esteem is considered a huge no-no in society! Everybody wants to be the bad b***h, the it girl, even the men want to be “him”. Acknowledging low self-esteem is essential, as ignoring it prevents you from making improvements and discovering effective strategies and solutions that could improve your overall well-being and self-perception.

I remember dealing with this toxic friendship for too long…like, way too long. As I told people the stories about how I endured emotional abuse and allowed this person to mistreat me, I would watch their faces shift to various expressions: shock, anger. But the biggest reaction? Confusion. The more I spoke about it, the more I realized how foolish I sounded. Then, one time, my friend straight up asked me, "Why? Why was that your friend? Why did you stay in that friendship?"

"Why?" That was a good question. Of all the excuses I could have come up with, I could only muster the truth of what it really was. "Because I had low self-esteem." I mean, yikes...sad to admit, but it was true. That was the only real reason. I allowed myself to be treated this way by someone who obviously hated me because I had low self-esteem. Why else do we allow ourselves to feel bad at the hands of someone else? If we felt worthy of better or if we knew better, we would do better. It doesn't sound too good to acknowledge, does it? Yet, the moment I decided to be honest to myself and to those around me, I was freeing myself of what was considered acceptable, and most importantly, I was now ready to work on fixing this broken part of me.

How do I know if I have low self esteem?

I set NO boundaries.

and if I do…I allow people to step past them every time. The absence of personal boundaries, or the consistent failure to enforce them is not good. It often stems from a place where you believe that your needs, feelings, and opinions are less important than others. This can manifest in various ways, such as constantly saying "yes" to requests that drain your energy, allowing others to disrespect your time and space, or neglecting your own emotional and physical well-being in an attempt to please those around you. Setting and maintaining boundaries isn't selfish; it's a necessary act of self-respect and self-care, allowing you to live a life that aligns with your values and needs.

I accept hot and cold behavior. Breadcrumbs.

This pattern of inconsistent treatment, often described as "hot and cold" behavior, can be a significant indicator of low self-esteem. It involves cycles of attention and neglect, affection and indifference, leaving the individual in a state of emotional uncertainty. The "breadcrumbs" aspect refers to the fleeting moments of positive attention or promises that are used to keep someone hooked, despite the overall relationship being damaging. Accepting this dynamic, instead of recognizing it as manipulative, can be a symptom of low self-esteem because it suggests a belief that one is not worthy of consistent, healthy treatment.

I make excuses for bad treatment from others.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt multiple times is an absolute no no. Continuously forgiving hurtful actions, even after repeated offenses, can be a clear sign that you are suffering from low self esteem. It might stem from a belief that you deserve such treatment or that you have no other options. Assuming that we are all adults, people tend to know what they are doing. It’s even worse when you’ve expressed your concerns before and they still continue. Recognizing this pattern of disrespect is the first step towards setting healthier boundaries and prioritizing your well-being. At that point there should be no more excuses being made for them…it’s time to get the scissors and “snip, snip”. Cut them ties!

I People Please.

People-pleasing, often done out of a fear of rejection or a need for external validation, can be a strong indicator of low self-esteem. It involves prioritizing the needs and desires of others above your own, even to the point of sacrificing your own well-being and boundaries. This behavior often stems from a deep-seated belief that you are not worthy of being seen, heard, or respected for who you are, and that your value is contingent on pleasing others. Engaging in people-pleasing can lead to resentment, burnout, and a constant state of anxiety as you try to meet everyone's expectations, while neglecting your own.

I over criticize myself or allow others to over criticize me.

Constantly berating oneself or tolerating harsh criticism from others are behaviors that can be linked to low self-esteem. Self-criticism can manifest as an unrelenting inner voice that points out flaws and minimizes accomplishments, leading to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Allowing others to criticize excessively can stem from a deep-seated belief that one is undeserving of respect or positive regard, accepting negative feedback without challenging it, which reinforces negative self-perception. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward cultivating self-compassion and setting healthy boundaries.