LOVE 101

The world’s big question: one we all are trying to figure out. What is love? Some say love is a feeling. Others say it’s an action, passion or even pain. There are countless meanings out there. So, what do you say love is?

The way I see it, your foundational idea of love sets the tone for expectations in all your relationships. If you believe love is pain, you will accept pain. If you believe love is just a feeling, you will base your actions on those feelings. Our environment and upbringing often form this belief before we even have the chance to define it for ourselves. It's crucial to know the true definition of love because ignorance can lead to a multitude of problems, such as poor decisions, self-sabotage, self-criticism, neglecting our needs and feelings, and accepting abuse or mistreatment in the name of love. It could even lead to something worse like killing someone over love! If you've ever watched an episode of "Snapped," you know how serious this gets.

This is what I've come to understand about love...

Love is a feeling.

Not just any old feeling but an intense feeling of deep affection for something or someone.

See, the thing about feelings? They are fleeting! They blow whichever way the wind blows. One minute you may feel happy with your person, the next minute they are getting on your last nerve. One minute you may feel in love with them, and then you think you hate them. I mean, we’re all humans. We experience about 1,000 emotions in a day, which is why we need more than that to keep us going. The intensity is the driving factor... Feelings can change in an instant, so relying on them alone isn't enough to sustain a loving relationship. True love requires something more substantial, something that endures beyond the ebb and flow of emotions.

Love is respect.

When you have respect for someone, it often stems from deep admiration. Perhaps you were drawn to their qualities and abilities, or maybe something intriguing about them led you to hold them in high regard, stirring an undeniable connection within you. Even in those times when you don't feel "lovey-dovey," do you withhold your respect? You can love someone and be momentarily annoyed, but respect should remain for your partner.

Love is an action.

How does one express their love if not through actions? Words alone are not enough. What value are words and respect if not backed by action? Actions are needed to show you care. If someone says they feel love, that feeling, if pure and strong enough, will drive them to show and prove it, simply because of its intensity. If someone says they respect you, that feeling of deep admiration should drive them to act on it, no questions asked. Why? Because it's innate, not only in humans but in animals, too! Go to a zoo and watch how a male baboon shows affection to his female counterpart. I have! It's truly captivating to watch. He caresses her hair, guides her by the hand, and protects her from perceived dangers. Similarly, someone's behavior toward you will always be a strong indication of how they feel about you deep inside.

More: All of the things that love is NOT

The same should apply to your self-love. Loving yourself shouldn't be based solely on your feelings. Some days you may feel like you're beautiful and the best thing walking on earth, while others you may feel like crap. Don't let your feelings dictate whether you are worthy of love, even from yourself.

For example, imagine you're tired and don't feel like working out, even though you usually love it. Does that stop you from loving what you do? You choose to push through anyway and continue with your routine. Why? Because of your dedication and respect for yourself. Motivation only comes after you make that choice to push through. As you go through the motions, you'll start to feel that drive and excitement that will keep you going. But the minute you stop? You lose all that drive and fall back into old habits. Worst case, you might quit altogether. What I'm saying is, the same applies to love. Love allows you to push through difficult times and not rely solely on feelings.

There will be days when you don’t feel the greatest about yourself, and circumstances may make you feel undeserving of what you desire. Doesn’t matter. Make a daily decision to love yourself. The more you choose to love yourself, through both good and bad feelings, the more you will fall in love with who you are. The more you choose to take care of yourself, the easier it becomes to prioritize your own happiness. The most important relationship we can have is with ourselves. Only then can we share that love with others.