WHEN YOU’RE A REAL LIFE HATER.

This is Gabrielle Union a.k.a Connie Spalding. The ultimate mean girl.

I would recommend watching her interview on the REd Table Talk.

Played as ; the lead cheerleader in Clovers.

Low self esteem. Insecure

Sometimes, we don’t know what our actions are conveying to others. We may think that we are portraying confidence, when really it can come off as the opposite. As beautiful as she was and still is,

Admits that she wore a facade

“ We live in a town that rewards pretending and I had been pretending to be fierce and fearless for a very long time.”

“ It’s easy to pretend to be fierce and fearless because living your truth takes real courage.

Being fearless is simply doing the work. Doing the work that it takes to recognize you no longer want to function in dysfunction and misery and that you actually would like to be happy and not just SAY you’re happy.

And I realized that real fierce and fearless women are truth-seekers. ….Real fearless and fierce women admit mistakes and they work to correct them. WE stand up and we use our voices for things other than self promotion.

Real fearless and fierce women celebrate and compliment other women and we recognize and embrace the notion that their shine in no way diminishes our light and that it actually makes our light shine brighter.

Low self esteem

Did not like herself growing up. Mean since age 8

Did not like being black. Would curl her lips when taking pictures to hide her blackness.

Didn’t take accountability

Lost everything and everybody, yet it was every one else's fault but her own.

“It’s ugly, it’s hard, it’s painful…to recognize that you are the common denominator for the vast majority of your problems.” - Gabrielle Union.

Rejecting accountability and bettering self out of fear of responsibility. That means she is the one responsible for change in her behavior if she would want to see a change in her life. Wanted to be the victim because it’s comfortable.

Doesn’t have joy

Can’t think of 10 things that makes her happy. Doesn't know how to make herself happy.

Realizes that she’s a hater

Had to belittle women when she felt inferior to them. Shrinking in the presence of other women she deemed dope. When she felt like attention was being taken away from her despite her outfit looking good, despite her accolades, she would revert back to her old ways. She starts talking shit about the woman to get the attention back on her. Assassinate their character.

What did you accomplish from tearing that woman down? All you did was reveal to everyone at this party, what low self esteem you have.

Used to revel in rumor and gossip and lived for the negativity inflicted on her colleagues or anyone she felt whose shine diminished her own.

Shrinking other people hoping that she was growing.

Hates the high road

She said she doesn’t get the instant gratification of saying what is on her mind.

Had yes men

They told her she was “keeping it real.” They loved when you call out other people’s shit.

Didn’t have friends who would be honest with her, to see her evolve into a better version of herself.

And although I wonder if this is another way for her to shift blame to her “bad friends”… I do agree with what she’s saying. Some people are yes men and egg their friends on although they know that they are drowning. Why? Because misery loves company. It is better to have someone else more horrible than you to make yourself not feel so bad.

Co-Dependent

She hated being in her own company.

In order to “heal” she had to go to therapy and learn to sit in silence.

Most likely doesn’t like what’s going on in her mind.

Would sacrifice herself to keep people around because she needs people to validate her existence.

Chased and accepted a love and a marriage that wasn’t worthy of a date, she says.

Past Traumas

In all this, it was revealed that she was raped at gunpoint at 19 years old. Had to figure out how to go from victim to survivor. Wants to unleash and unload her pain.

Oftentimes they use their traumas as motivation to protect themselves from people…from hurt and pain. Hurt people hurt people.

“Talks about public humiliation feels like death…people move on. You’re not as important as you want to feel like you are

Everyone makes mistakes …it’s the fear and shame that keeps you there longer”

Ultimately, gaining nothing from being this way and honestly just hurting themselves.